Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
