Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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