I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
