I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
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Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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