I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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