My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
