Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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