There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
