Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
