I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
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I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
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I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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