if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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