you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
