I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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