i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
