He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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