I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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