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I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
honey bunches of taint.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Randomize
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