Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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