Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.

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(405): I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account. http://tfl.nu/7g5v

Replies (21) Good night (1276) Bad night (619)
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(631): View more from New York

k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.

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(631): k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not. http://tfl.nu/ari1

Replies (15) Good night (904) Bad night (7594)
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(613): View more from Ontario

New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.

(1-613): View more from Ontario

We are no longer friends.

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(613): New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands. (1-613): We are no longer friends. http://tfl.nu/wlk1

Replies (28) Good night (994) Bad night (3682)
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(219): View more from Indiana

The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes

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(219): The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes http://tfl.nu/ulxb

Replies (14) Good night (867) Bad night (4425)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.

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(774): Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class. http://tfl.nu/k4fe

Replies (26) Good night (6462) Bad night (743)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick

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(901): I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick http://tfl.nu/35jp

Replies (11) Good night (5019) Bad night (1125)
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(514): View more from Quebec

maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge

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(514): maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge http://tfl.nu/8cfm

Replies (15) Good night (3987) Bad night (1494)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.

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(405): I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway. http://tfl.nu/1jw1

Replies (11) Good night (2858) Bad night (1497)
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(562): View more from California

My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.

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(562): My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me. http://tfl.nu/w036

Replies (5) Good night (1065) Bad night (2474)
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(707): View more from California

They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven

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(707): They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven http://tfl.nu/tpek

Replies (10) Good night (2067) Bad night (713)
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(269): View more from Michigan

all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird

(269): View more from Michigan

OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO

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(269): all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird (269): OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO http://tfl.nu/9b3x

Replies (3) Good night (1973) Bad night (814)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Who wants vodka and apple sauce

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(608): Who wants vodka and apple sauce http://tfl.nu/g86m

Replies (4) Good night (934) Bad night (493)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.

(1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs

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(610): No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her. (1-610): That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs http://tfl.nu/zsmx

Replies (5) Good night (1804) Bad night (503)
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(417): View more from Missouri

I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.

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(417): I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston. http://tfl.nu/atcw

Replies (11) Good night (1663) Bad night (1162)
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(208): View more from Idaho

Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.

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(208): Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order. http://tfl.nu/2umc

Replies (3) Good night (429) Bad night (616)

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