I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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