So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"