Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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