I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize