I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
