I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize