The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
