Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
