I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
