I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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