oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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