I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
