i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
