it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
