There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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