Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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