Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
