Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
