so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
