just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The uberlube is also flammable
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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