I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
meet me or not, i'm out of control
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
