the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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