I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
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Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
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Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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