I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
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I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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