well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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