All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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