this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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