Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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