is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
