I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
