I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My ATM looks so different sober.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We have started to decorate penises.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
