The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
