i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
