he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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