What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
