how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
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I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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