he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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