Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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