wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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