Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
