I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
