there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
