i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize