i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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